Early Morning Worries

5am. My alarm clock didn't wake me yet, but my nerves sure did. Two more Mondays. Nine more days. So much to accomplish.

My cooperating teacher wasn't kidding when she said the Romeo and Juliet unit would take forever. I planned for maybe six weeks. We're approaching week six and are halfway through Act 3. The students are excited about it, they love reading it. Which is great and all except for the fact that I feel like I'm beating a dead horse. The other 9th grade English teacher started around the same time as me and is at about the same place...so it's not like I'm doing it wrong, but I can't help but feel that way.

I want to take a break from the monotonous reading this week and work on a debate with my students...but there's goes another week of not progressing with reading. Last week, we worked on adaptation projects. While they were fun and showcased the students understanding of the play, it's another week I will never get back.

I guess you could say I'm feeling the pressure of crunch time. There's so much I want to accomplish in and out of my classroom and I just feel like I am running out of time. I thought I would be excited to count down my final ten days...boy was I wrong. I don't want to say goodbye to my students. I wish I could continue with them and finish what I started.

Collecting Thoughts

Kayla Sawyer's latest blog has inspired me to get out a few thoughts as I sit here in the teacher workroom thinking about my final three weeks of teaching. So here's my list of thoughts...

1. My To-Do list. By the end of this week I need to complete a draft of my student analysis, finish my School Spring profile, and apply for the summer school position.

2. I also need to make time this week to do normal human being things. (i.e.- eat, sleep, and shower)

3. I thought I would be more excited for this experience to end, instead I'm really sad that I will be leaving NPHS.

4. I will be back, though :)

5. Students notice everything. Even the fact that my feet are not as tan as my arms, something I didn't even notice.

6. This weather is not helping my somber mood.

7. Yesterday I decided that life is about being the best you that you can possibly be. I can't compare myself to others. That is all.

8. I'm feeling overwhelmed.

9. Talking to my CT really helps.

10. Taking five minutes to collect my thoughts has also helped. Thanks for the great idea Kayla! :)

Feeling the Pressure

As my time at North Providence High School is approaching the final four weeks, overwhelmed seems to be the only word that sums up my emotions. I feel like I am not going to be able to get all that I want to accomplish accomplished, I'm feeling rushed, and I feel like I need more time. At the same time, I am overwhelmed with joy and excitement as I am one step closer to fulfilling my dream of being a teacher.

When I made my Romeo and Juliet unit last semester, it seemed so perfect. The whole unit was 6 weeks start to finish. Now, four weeks into my unit, I am not even halfway through it. The real life experiences that have come with teaching the play have added extra time to the unit. Between extra time on analyzing concepts, taking tests, working in groups, and making up for missed classes, I am no where near on task with my hypothetical calendar.

I am also feeling the frustrations of a teacher dealing with difficult students. I have some students who no matter how hard I try, will not give the material a chance. I even have one student who openly says "I'm not doing the work. I don't care." While this is SO incredibly frustrating, I have learned that it is all a part of the experience. My cooperating teacher has helped through this struggle and we are currently dealing with it.

While these are some struggles, the good outweighs the bad. I have so many moments a day where I smile at the little things that make it worth it. I am excited to continue my journey of rewarding struggles of becoming a teacher. The hard times are learning experiences and the good times are what will keep me going.

Breath in. Breathe out. Smile.

Change of Pace

From the beginning, my period two class has presented me with plenty of challenges. The make up of the class is a challenge in itself. There is a clique of five chatty girls, another group of four that are friends one day and enemies the next, and three boys who are far from motivated. I have moved their seats so they are not sitting next to their friends, but they always tend to gravitate back to one another. The chattiness in the classroom, constant phone use, and disrespect is ridiculously hard to manage. After a really tough class with them at the end of the day on Thursday, I realized that it was time to change my demeanor in the classroom. I learned quickly that I could not teach and act the way I do in my period five class. The challenging classroom environment calls for a stricter demeanor.

However, I struggled with this. It's just not me. I enjoy smiling in my classroom, joking with my students, and making fun connections with them. With this bothering me, I went to talk to Jeanine Napolitano, the head of the English department. She gave me the advice to be the "mean teacher" for the day and give them an idea of what it could be like. Since they do not participate in the classroom activities that help them to understand Romeo and Juliet in a interactive way, she told me to have them read Romeo and Juliet by themselves and answer the questions that we would have talked about while reading. So, that is what I did. The students worked silently and struggled through the reading. They missed some of the big concepts and did not connect to the play like they would have if we talked about it as a class.

While I was disappointed, I would never chose to teach this way and hated the results, I will be able to go into class on Monday with hard evidence showing the difference between their understanding of the text when it is taught to them vs. when they teach it to their selves. Hopefully this along with me being a little more strict in the classroom with help to solve the problem.

When Writing Doesn't Do Justice to Thoughts

Sally is a fifteen year old girl with a fashion sense like no other. She walks into the classroom dressed to the nines, looking as though she just stepped out of a magazine. Anyone would think that her confidence was through the roof. Her visual presence is strong, she is always with a group of friends, and she is always smiling. However, Sally has only lived in America for about eight years (she moved here from Nigeria) and as a result of this, she hates using her voice in the classroom. She hates reading out loud and participating in class. However, her ideas are brilliant. When she writes, I have the opportunity to hear her voice through the words inscribed on the paper.

The effort that she puts into her school work is incomparable to the work of the other students. We recently finished our I-Search unit...except Sally is still revising. She has handed in 3 "drafts" that each differ from the last immensely and make a huge leap in successfully conveying her research every time. She works on the paper on her own, with me, and in her lit skills class. She told me last week that she "wanted to so whatever she could to write a good paper." And that is where the loss of confidence is apparent again. It seems to me that she feels that her voice is inadequate at being heard by the others in the classroom (myself included) so it must be in her writing as well. Totally not the case!

By working with her I have been able to encourage her. I hope that she learns that she has a powerful voice. Her ideas are so strong and I hope that by working on her writing skills we can improve her confidence and writing ability. When she does speak in class and in our conferences, she has brilliant things to say. Her language barrier has affected her confidence but I want to do everything in my power to reverse her thoughts about her academic ability.

I'm searching for an answer to this problem. How do I get her to see what I see? How do I help her not only improve her writing skills, but her confidence in voicing her thoughts as well? Where do I go from here?

From 25 to 28

My period two class was large to begin with. Twenty five students, five different cliques, and all different types of personalities. When I learned that a new student would be starting in my class on Friday, I thought "hey, what's one more?" But I then learned that the student was coming from a self contained special education room. Thought of how He was going to add to my already challenging classroom environment swirled through my mind. I'll admit, I was nervous. I was told that he would have an aid with him at all times and a psychologist would be there for most of the time too. My classroom of twenty five had turned into a full house of twenty eight. Every single desk occupied. Twenty eight pairs of eyes staring at me. 

When Friday came, I was confident in my lesson but afraid of how the new student would react to it. I was told that he was immature for his age and did not get along with others well. Good thing I had group work planned for his first day (insert sarcastic tone here). But I was determined not to change the lesson that I loved. Instead I was going to work hard to fit him into a group that I knew would best accept him and I would accommodate his needs. 

When the lesson started and I broke him into his group I could see a sense of panic across his face. I went over and said, "If at any time you feel like the group is too much for you, just call me over and we will figure it out." He smiled and nodded at me. That was it. We started the lesson. He was engaged the entire time. When he called out of turn or made an unnecessary comment (which is something that has been attributed to his disability) I was told to ignore it. However, a lot of the time what he was saying was actually brilliant and able to be connected to the lesson. So instead of ignoring it, I would use his answer to acquaint him with the class. I used segways such as "Did everyone hear what Matt said?" and "Matt could you repeat that for the group to hear?" He quickly became a part of the classroom. 

I have to say that I was extremely content with the way class turned out on Friday. My nerves were calmed when the student began participating in class and was engaged in the lesson. It will be a learning experience for me but I am extremely grateful to be able to encounter it so early on in my teaching career. There are great resources in place for me to use to aid this student in being just as successful as the other students in my class. 

Vacation Frustration

After a long three weeks of I-Search projects, the Friday before vacation was finally here. Because of the snow days, presentations would have to be postponed until after vacation. With only one section of my English classes meeting Friday, I decided in honor of vacation we would take a day off from drafting papers and do a few fun writing activities with my students. Plan backfired.

When I told the students that we would be taking a break from I-Search they were ecstatic. BUt when they learned that it wasn't a break to watch a movie or play games, the excitement quickly exited the room. I tried to describe the lyric weave activity in a way that would make it sound appealing. I even told them that their experiences and related songs could be funny! I even modeled one before the class to demonstrate that it could be fun. They just weren't having it. I had the most frustrating first half hour of class ever. Then the bell rang and I couldn't help but think "saved by the bell."

I walked into the teacher room with the look of defeat. Stacey said, "How'd it go?" and I almost burst into tears of frustration. It was in that moment that we decided that the classes' chattiness would best be dealt with by moving seats. While this wasn't something that I wanted to do, it had to be done. So after lunch we switched seats. They were PISSED. After I switched their seats I took a few minutes to talk to them about why I did what I did. A few students were still extremely defiant, but for the majority of the students it worked! They produced their writing, shared their writing, and knew that I meant business.

I got a taste of the disciplinary aspect of teaching last week. I was reluctant to do so, but I'm glad I did. Now I just have to follow through after vacation. #actofBESTRONG